On Sunday I shot a show reel for my track I’m a Winner no fear at a bar called Nusha in Cambridge. As I performed the track over and over again many feelings began to flood into my head and heart. Winner has always been very close to my heart as a song. Alot of people get it wrong because they don’t really listen to the words, and even if they do they still don’t always get it. Some however do. ‘I’m a winner – no fear’ is all about fighting the demons within oneself, fighting our fears.
Signing my recording contract with Shlepp Records was like a dream come true, for about a week, and then I was hit by fear. Fear of what people would say, if people would like me, if I could do it, it was like I had everything I ever wanted and then I did not want it anymore. At the time I did not quite understand why I was feeling the way I felt, it took Stevie talking to me to help me understand that I was in fact gripped by fear.
Since then I have began to understand more how fear has held me back in so many ways throughout my life and how my ability to fight my fears, conquer them has helped me to move forward. In fact every day I wake up I have to do it all over again, and the further I get it seems the more pressure and hence the more fear tries to creep into my life once again.
Therefore singing winner for me is like a battle chant, a reminder to myself of where I am and what I have to keep doing, as well as my way of helping others see that they too can be winners by fighting their inner self.
So often we like to blame it on external stuff. What others say, what others think, What is written, said and unsaid, but I have learnt that the real thing holding me back was myself. Watching someone like Stevie Eagle E in life has been a great inspiration to me. He seems on the face of it to have no fear of anything, and if you listen to his rap in the song thats what he says. But if you speak to him he will tell you it in a different way. He said to me; It’s not that I don’t truly have fear of things like everyone else. I just have a greater fear of control. I am more afraid of my own fears controling me than I am of the fear itself. As he puts it some fears are good for you, healthy.
Ayi Jihu on the set of Winner video shoot
The other thing that winner means to me is ‘Don’t care’ That is another thing I have learnt from Stevie. At the end of the day, whatever life throws at him he just does not seem to care. I don’t mean he is not a caring person. I mean he does not let every little thing affect him all the time, he can as he puts it, ‘write it off’.
Anyway, what does all of this have to do with inspire a billion people?
Things for me have began to really pick up steam. My video ‘Smak Dat’ has been a great success as is the track. Being voted into the SC 100 most beautiful women was a bit of a shock but that and a lot of things have made me more conscious of just how many people I am able to reach and therefore what a great responsibility I have.
Ayi Jihu on the set of Winner video shoot
I want to inspire my people. Especially the younger generation. I want them to know there is nothing they cannot achieve. However it’s not just about my people it’s about all people. Sometimes I forget just how many people worldwide I am able to reach and how many people are watching what I do. When I do think about it that old fear comes back and I have to fight the impulse to run away and hide somewhere in the dark.
That’s why winner means so much to me, and I hope it will mean something to you. The showreel also has footage from my London Week of Peace performance thrown in. If you don’t know what that is all about go here: week of peace concert
Enjoy the Video and song at the top of the page. I cant wait to shoot the real video for this song, I have so many ideas and I know exactly what I want the video to show and say.
Ayi Jihu
www.ayijihu.com
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